If.

If I were a Twins blogger this morning, I’d probably be sitting down to write an Annotated History of Kurt Suzuki’s Bunt Attempts.

Either that, or a piece speculating on whether Fernando Abad could possibly spring a guy like Joe Palumbo free at the trade deadline.

If I were an Astros blogger, I’d be penning a piece titled: “How to Win Four Straight, 13 of 15, and 26 of 35, and Gain a Game and a Half: A Quantitative Analysis.”

If I were an Angels blogger, I wouldn’t have the stomach to write about what happened Friday night with two outs in the top of the ninth in Boston, so I’d instead sit down to map out the timing of when the Los Angeles window, considering present big league talent, the state of the farm system, the franchise’s presence internationally, and its stack of trade chips this month, projects to line up with the Rangers and Astros.

Then, lacking the stomach to tell the truth, I’d write about the dawning of Luol Deng’s Lakers career.

If I were a Brewers blogger, I’d responsibly dismiss Jon Heyman’s idea that Jonathan Lucroy could fetch Joey Gallo, and, beaten down by yet another disappointing season, wax nostalgically about the time that Milwaukee took 29-year-old lifelong shortstop Robin Yount and made him a left fielder, cold turkey, and then, within the same season, moved him to center field, where he lasted for nine years (into his late-30s), earning one MVP award and top 20 finishes two other times, and finishing the piece by wondering aloud if there’s another guy like that in the big leagues today.

If I were a Nationals blogger, I’d write about Washington’s decision over the last week to transition top prospect Trea Turner, a lifelong shortstop, to center field in AAA, at least part of the time, because big league shortstop Danny Espinosa’s power appears to be coming back, and I’d finish the story wondering aloud what might have happened if Washington had ever given thought to taking lifelong National Ian Desmond and . . . well, yeah.

If I were an Indians blogger, I’d write about Friday night’s exceptional win, the club’s 14th straight, but would throw together a companion piece wondering what it would look like if Cleveland, with Michael Brantley sidelined in camp and the club’s outfield not exactly firmed up otherwise, had been the team to offer Ian Desmond a pillow contract and an opportunity to move his game from the dirt to the grass.

If I were a Cardinals blogger, I’d write something up wondering what it would look like if St. Louis, given its outfield situation and its perennial posture to win a pennant, had been the team to offer Ian Desmond a pillow contract and an opportunity to move his game from the dirt to the grass.

If I were a Dodgers blogger, I’d write something up wondering what it would look like if Los Angeles, given its endless supply of Monopoly money and the way its outfield has been patched together, had been the team to offer Ian Desmond a pillow contract and an opportunity to move his game from the dirt to the grass.

If I were a White Sox blogger, I’d write something up wondering what it would look like if Chicago, which gave a one-year deal to Austin Jackson to provide outfield depth, had been the team to offer Ian Desmond a pillow contract and an opportunity to move his game from the dirt to the grass.

If I were a Tigers blogger, I’d write something up wondering what it would look like if Detroit, rather than trading Ian Krol and a prospect to Atlanta for Cameron Maybin in November, had been the team to offer Ian Desmond a pillow contract and an opportunity to move his game from the dirt to the grass.

If I were a Giants blogger, I’d talk about an NL-leading 51 wins, noting anecdotally that Texas has 52, despite getting almost nothing from Yu Darvish, boasting the second-worst bullpen ERA in the American League, and surviving extended early-season slumps from Prince Fielder and Mitch Moreland.

If I were a Cubs blogger, I’d try to imagine what the first year will be, going forward, that no major sports outlet predicts a Cubs-Rangers World Series before the season.

If I were an A’s blogger, I’d play “One of These Things Is Not Like the Others (or Maybe They’re All Alike)” and offer up the following:

(1) Josh Donaldson for Brett Lawrie, Kendall Graveman, Sean Nolin, and Franklin Barreto

(2) Carlos Gonzalez, Huston Street, and Greg Smith for Matt Holliday . . . and eight months later Holliday for Clayton Mortensen, Shane Peterson, and Brett Wallace

(3) Addison Russell, Billy McKinney, and Dan Straily for Jeff Samardzija and Jason Hammel

(4) Poop dugouts

If I were a Mariners blogger, I’d avoid writing about Seattle’s run of 17 losses in 27 games, dropping them from a tie atop the division to 10.5 games back, and celebrate the distinction of being the only team in baseball to visit Texas and win a series in 2016.

It was the opening series of the season.

If I were a Phillies blogger, I’d continue to celebrate one of the great win-win baseball trades in years and develop that into a piece speculating on whether Jeanmar Gomez could possibly spring a guy like Jose Valdespina or Tyler Ferguson free at the trade deadline.

If I were a Reds blogger, I think I’d probably write an infuriatingly long run-on sentence that ended: “ . . . and miserable baseball is miserable.”

If I were a Braves blogger, I’d reminisce about the time Bobby Cox became the first and only skipper to win Manager of the Year in his league in consecutive years (2004-05), and wonder if it could ever happen again.

If I were a Yankees blogger, I’d ask myself how things might be different, now and looking ahead, if Jeff Banister were managing that club, but then I’d lose my train of thought, type “I KNOW YOU ARE BUT WHAT AM I??,” and go high-five myself in the mirror.

If I were a Mets blogger, I’d be glad I wasn’t a Yankees blogger.

If I were a Padres blogger, I’d be writing about their majestic J2 haul today, but then work up a piece speculating on whether Drew Pomeranz could possibly spring a package like Jose Leclerc and Ryan Cordell free at the trade deadline, or whether Ryan Buchter could pry a guy like Eric Jenkins or Brett Martin free, or, failing that, whether Brad Hand could net a guy like Jonathan Hernandez.

If I were a Blue Jays blogger, I’d comment on Heyman’s note that one scout called current Rockies (and former Toronto) pitching prospect Jeff Hoffman “a second [Noah] Syndergaard” (also a former Toronto farmhand) before throwing a beer can aimlessly.

If I were a Marlins blogger, I’d compare moving Chris Paddack for Fernando Rodney to moving Sam Dyson for Tomas Telis and Cody Ege, concluding that I’d rather have Paddack than Telis/Ege . . . and much rather have Dyson than Rodney.

If I were a Pirates blogger, I’d work up a story speculating on whether the duo of Mark Melancon and Tony Watson could possibly spring a package like Yohander Mendez and Michael De Leon free at the trade deadline.

If I were a Diamondbacks blogger, I’d write a piece speculating on whether Tyler Clippard could possibly spring a guy like Ariel Jurado free at the trade deadline.

If I were a Rockies blogger, I’d dump a short report speculating on whether Boone Logan could possibly spring a guy like Erik Swanson free at the trade deadline — and whether selling low on Jake McGee, who’s been unusually ineffective and bothered by a barking knee, would make sense if the return were, say, Drew Robinson and Tyler Phillips.

If I were a Rays blogger, I’d pen a report speculating on whether either Jake Odorizzi or Matt Moore would be enough to convince Texas to part, once and for all, with Jurickson Profar, and if not, whether padding the deal with Xavier Cedeno would make a difference, and if not, whether getting Chi Chi Gonzalez and Yeyson Yrizarri back instead of Profar would be enough.

If I were a Red Sox blogger, I’d note — in advance of a big Boston-Texas series at Fenway Park starting Monday — that the Rangers scored 19 runs (13 earned) on 26 hits in the 12.1 innings that Boston’s three starters pitched in last week’s series in Arlington. The Red Sox, who draw Nick Martinez, A.J. Griffin, and Martin Perez next week, list “To Be Announced” for all three games as far as their own rotation goes, and that’s a team that’s reeling a bit. Big month for Boston, I’d write, given the crowded Wild Card race and Dave Dombrowski’s consistent willingness to move top-tier prospects for impact help.

If I were a Royals blogger, I’d never write a “If I Were a Blogger for Another Team” piece, because they’re tedious and a lot less interesting the longer they drag on.

If I were an Orioles blogger, I would think about writing about the one game that Stephen Curry’s father Dell, who had a 16-year NBA career of his own, pitched for the Gastonia Rangers in 1991, six years after he’d been drafted by Baltimore in the 14th round and five years into his pro basketball career. The older Curry gave up one run on three hits and a walk in three innings, fanning four. Stephen was three years old.

But I’m a Rangers blogger, and writing about yet another big win and Ian Desmond’s role in it and another sneaky-strong effort from Martin Perez just didn’t seem all that gripping.

Not that the alternative turned out to be.