Ruben and CY 2025, v.1.
Forgive me.
“Hello. Chris Young speaking.”
“CY!! C-Weisenheimer!! POBO-Jackson, M.D.!!!”
“Ruben.”
“Heck yeah, fam. What’s good?”
“Ruben, why are you calling again?”
“So glad you answered! I was about to text Joel Embiid and tell him you’ve been ghosting me.”
“I’m not going to do this.”
“Hey, remember that July trade a decade ago when I sent Cole Hamels and Jake Diekman to you guys for all those bad-ass prospects Jorge Alfaro, Nick Williams, Jake Thompson, Jerad Eickhoff, and Alec Asher? Let’s do that again! It’s TRADE SZN, baby!”
“Ruben, I wasn’t the GM then. And you’re not the GM now.”
“Word.”
[silence]
“That was the next-to-last trade I got to make in real life, Brother. That August, I made Chase Utley a Dodger so I could get immortal Phils Darnell Sweeney and John Richy. Jealous?”
[silence]
“And that September, I got fired. Not cool.”
[CY mutters under his breath] “And that October, I won a World Series game and a World Series ring.”
“Chris?”
“Yes, Ruben.”
“Help me. Send us Eovaldi. Or Langford. C’mon, man. All I need is one little trade, nothing big. I need something to talk about on WIP to break up all these call about the Tush Push biopic rumors.”